Page 21 - 2020 Spring CMTA Report

? WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?Ask David.

Dear David, bility, especially as we age. There of abandonment from childhood.
I am a 64-year-old woman and is a difference between the occa- It’s helpful to be aware of these old
have been married to my husband sional fear of one’s spouse dying fears, which can easily be triggered
for almost 40 years. Although we and being left alone, and being by present-day events. While it’s
have our problems, like everyone totally obsessed and panicked not necessary to probe these old
else, it’s a good marriage in many every time he sneezes. Feelings of fears with a therapist, be aware
ways. My CMT has progressed but healthy dependency are a part of that they exist, especially when
I still try to lead a full life with loving someone and are something you have an overreaction like
help from my braces and a cane we all experience, but overwhelm- freaking out when your husband
when necessary. My husband has ing fear can come from a lifetime has a cold. Being able to put a
always been sensitive to my physi- of living with some limitations name to what you’re feeling, like
cal issues and does more than that can lead to feelings of fragility anxiety or fear, helps put a little Write to David at
his share around the house. My and helplessness. Being able to distance between you and what info@cmtausa.org.
problem is that I find myself share these feelings with your hus- you are feeling. In other words,
increasingly scared that something band or a therapist may help you you can have a feeling instead of David Tannenbaum has
an LCSW degree and has
will happen to him and I will be gain perspective. Many people becoming the feeling. been a psychotherapist in
lost without him, both physically have fears of abandonment even In addition, it’s always a good New York City for the
and emotionally. Every time he has past 30 years, specializing
in helping others with the
a cold I imagine him dying, when under normal circumstances. idea not to isolate yourself and to task of growing emotion-
in truth he is in good shape for a You are not as helpless as you stay connected to others outside ally and spiritually
man his age. I know that I’m over- might feel, and it’s important to your marriage. It takes a little through physical chal-
lenges. “My CMT has
reacting, but my fears about his find a balance between allowing extra work to stay connected to been my greatest challenge
health are beginning to annoy him. help from your husband and people other than your husband, and my best teacher in
life,” says David.
I just can’t imagine getting along doing things without his help. but it will help you feel less
without him and I find myself in Our self-esteem grows when we dependent on him. Loving some-
a constant state of anxiety. can accomplish things on our one always entails some fears of
own. I know I have been guilty of loss and dependency, but try not
David replies: allowing my spouse to do things to lose your identity in your mar-
While it is true that a long-term for me when I have been very riage simply because of challenges
marriage can create a natural feel- capable but lazy. I might do things with CMT. We are whole regard-
ing of dependency on one’s more slowly, but I can still get less of our physical limitations
spouse, having a condition like them done. and have much to offer others as
CMT or any other chronic illness When we feel vulnerable it well. Stay strong and stay involved
can exacerbate feelings of vulnera- can touch very powerful feelings with life. h

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