Page 37 - Branch Leader Guide

Charcot-Marie-Tooth
Association

There are a number of methods for dealing with dominators. First, before each
discussion, set the stage by announcing that you would like everyone to share, if
possible, and ask the group members to try to limit their sharing to no more than a
minute or two. When the dominant personality starts talking, and inevitably goes over
the time limit, wait for that person to catch his/her breath or maybe just slow down a bit
and say, "That’s a really good point." Immediately look at another person in the group,
direct your hand toward him/her and ask, “What do you think?” or “What do others
think?” Get others involved in the conversation.

If the dominant person interrupts someone who had started to share, hold a hand up and
say loudly, “Sorry, XXX, so-and-so was talking first." Then, turn to the person who was
interrupted, direct your hand toward him/her and say "Now, what were you saying?”

Another technique that I have found helpful is using your body to direct the discussion.
Try standing or turning your body by facing each person who shares. If you face away
from the dominators, they can't get your attention. And if they start talking when you’re
facing away from them, don't turn to face them. When it is their turn to share, face them
for a reasonable time and then turn and face someone else in the group, asking “What
do you think?”

You can also try humor, but be careful to challenge the behavior rather than the
individual. Humor is less likely to be useful than an explicit approach, but it may be
appropriate in some groups, particularly where there is a limited capacity or willingness
to think about process. You can sometimes use humor with individuals, particularly
when your signals to speak have been ignored.

Sometimes, it may be necessary to have a private chat with the dominating person after
the meeting, and speak to him/her in a gentle and loving way and say, “I know you have
good ideas and you really want to share them, but we need to get everyone involved in
the discussion. Please help me get other people talking and sharing in the group by
letting at least five people share before you do. That should encourage others to share.
It will also help give them some responsibility for the success of the group as a whole.”

If that person has been interrupting others, you might add, “You may not have known
you were doing this, but you interrupted several people who were talking before you.”
Usually, the talker will recognize these traits in himself/herself, and your conversation will
help that individual realize when he/she is talking too much. It will also get the person
thinking about how to involve others. Again, the key here is to talk to the dominator in a
gentle way and try to avoid hurt feelings as much as possible.

34