Page 23 - 2020 Summer CMTA Report

The Courage to Wear Shorts

BY MONICA THOMAS

didn’t buy my first pair of And the answer was obvious:
shorts until I was 28 years old. I did. Sure, society told me I
Summer after sweltering sum- shouldn’t. Every stare, every ques-
mer, I hid my atrophied legs tion, every ad reinforced the idea
I and leg braces beneath layers of that there were standards for
denim and cotton. I let sweat pool beauty that my body didn’t meet.
on the backs of my knees until it But what did I think of my body?
trickled into my AFOs, where my I was still pondering this new
skin was burning hot. Being physi- thought when my husband and I
cally uncomfortable every summer pulled our car into my sister’s dri-
of my adolescence and adulthood veway later that day. She came out
was just something I did, as sec- to greet us wearing denim shorts
ond nature as eating and and white Keds. Her AFOs were
breathing. fully visible. She looked adorable.
It wasn’t always that way. She looked confident.
When I was a kid, I wore the The next day, I ordered four
shorts my mom bought for me. pairs of shorts online. Clearance.
I loved the purple ones that Final sale. No going back. When
matched my butterfly-printed leg the package arrived the following
braces. I hadn’t yet been condi- week, I was nearly feral tearing
tioned to be ashamed of my body. into it. I tried on each pair and
But thousands of stares and wheeled myself in front of my full
“What’s wrong with you’s” later, length mirror to have a look. Each
I tucked my legs away in an time, I smiled. Each time, I felt COMFORTABLE,
attempt to make other people beautiful. Each time, I felt the lay- AT LAST!
more comfortable. Because let’s ers I had surrounded myself in fall
face it, able-bodied people are away as I learned to love all of
often uncomfortable around myself, atrophied legs included. with them; it is no longer wel-
visible disability. I I kept the shorts come in my lap.
took on their discom- Being physically on that evening For the rest of that summer, I
fort and wore it like when my husband wore shorts everywhere. I stopped
another suffocating uncomfortable and I went for a thinking about it at all. And then
layer of clothing every summer of stroll in the park. I one afternoon at the park, a pair
around my legs. my adolescence couldn’t stop smiling of middle school girls (the most
And then, in the and adulthood as I felt the fresh terrifying age), came up to me. I
summer of 2018, I was just something summer air stream braced myself for a “What’s wrong
went outside on the I did, as second over my exposed with you?” as they stopped in
hottest day of the nature as eating legs. People stared front of my wheelchair.
year. I wore the the exact same “We love your outfit!” one of
thinnest maxi dress I and breathing. amount they always them exclaimed.
owned, and still it felt had, and it gave me “Oh, thank you!” I replied in
like my legs were in their own per- a final, solidifying thought on the shock.
sonal sauna. I looked on with envy matter: It had never mattered if They continued down the
as other women passed me in I covered my legs or not. My path and I continued down mine.
miniskirts and shorts. I wish I disability didn’t hide itself under Clearance. Final sale. No going
could wear that, I thought. And a pair of jeans. People are always back. h
then, a brand new thought pre- going to look, always going to Monica, 30, is a writer and social media
sented itself. Who told you that question. And it is not my prob- manager at a small public library in
you couldn’t? lem. Their discomfort can sit Muncie, Indiana.

SUMMER 2020 THE CMTA REPORT 23